some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
