woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
