i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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