im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she told me i tasted like america
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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