Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
