If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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