There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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