about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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