Sorry, I don't speak sober.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
