is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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