No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
honey bunches of taint.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
