she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Come on in and take your pants off
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