oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
