Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
