So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
