it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
