can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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