On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
