dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize