If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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