Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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