____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
