you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
