Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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