She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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