I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
