Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
