Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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