My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
