Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
