Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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