we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
