Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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