Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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