it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
