Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
