I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
