Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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