Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
