so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
