Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
