Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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