Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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