How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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