We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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