am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
