So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
