I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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