I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
