My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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