we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
