I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
