i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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