the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
