No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
