I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize