I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize