She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
