Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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