My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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