I just pynch a tree in the face
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
