OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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