I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
