i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
