Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize