I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
